I’ve been thinking about God quite a bit recently.

What a headache!

There’s no answer in sight! No licks of evidence, no scientific theory, no consensus about the matter...nothing to look at and say, “oh yes, there you are!” AND, when I widen my aperture, when I let go of the need to know/see/be assured of the Truth of the mystery of it all, I see and feel God everywhere.

I grew up with no context for God—no religion, no dogma, or any teachers, friends, or parents preaching about what God was or wasn’t. It was always sort of a shrug. I appreciate religion because it gives context and ideas about where to begin, and a sort of roadmap to understand what you personally believe. It of course goes sour when one is told what to believe, how to pray, and what, exactly, God is. Because really, nobody has any clue.

So we each keep dancing around in the darkness, looking for rays of light popping through. They come out for me in the cuddle of a puppy, or a gently wiggling plant, or the eyes of a baby or my parents. In these things I see God, or Love or IT, whatever that is. And then when I open even wider, zoom way, way out, I feel the nothingness of Me and the immensity of what is beyond our limited minds and perspectives.

So I quit trying to define God and instead try to see that light everywhere my senses and mind and heart are guided. I’m learning to trust in the mystery of life, and also death.

So if you have strongly held notions of who or what God may be, what would happened if you temporarily set those down, shrugged your shoulders and said “I don’t know!” It’s liberating. It leaves space for the Wonder to be not good or bad, Him/Her/Them, Black/White, Pro-Life/Pro-Choice, Republican/Democrat —none of this stuff! What if God is just THIS! The fullness of our present experience! Nothing is left out.

And it’s tough to talk about God because our beliefs about this One are pretty ironclad and difficult to shake up. AND, it’s hard because no one knows, and there’s really no answer! Is God really Love? Is he a Christian or Hindu God? Or a woman? Or Omni-present? Or set it all in motion and let go? Or always here? Do you know?

It’s fun to wonder. Begin again.